Waiting for Elin

Sunday, December 13, 2009

For the past couple of weeks since word of Tiger Woods’ serial infidelity made it to the news, I’ve been wondering: Am I the only married man who doesn’t get Elin Nordegren Woods?

She’s certainly beautiful, and I mean that in an “Oh my God!” kind of way, but my wife is beautiful too. (I say that because it’s true, and in case she’s reading this.) If it were me, if I were the one who had been unfaithful – once, twice, 11 times and counting – I can’t imagine the rage, the hurt that she would be feeling. Maybe that’s what’s going on here, in the head and heart of Mrs. Woods, and we’re just not seeing it because it’s none of our business, and because the Woods have the good taste, common sense and money to keep the media at a distance.

True, it really is none of my business, but then I’m not the one who so flagrantly disrespected his marriage. I’m not the one making, or the media producing the headlines. For me, it’s like a movie. None of these people are real.

For one thing, by all accounts Tiger Woods is a billionaire. If Elin walks, she gets 30% of his wealth according to the rumored terms of their prenuptial agreement – and leaves with her pride intact. Who would blame her? In fact, the real question is, “Why would she stay?”

Well, for one thing, they have 2 very young children. Keeping it together for them would be perfectly understandable. Love, for each other, would be another good reason. There’s the potential to make even more money from continuing, renewed and even new endorsements when he returns to tournament golf with got-to-be spectacular ratings. (Maybe Church & Dwight, the makers of Trojan brand condoms, might be interested.)

And then there’s the argument that he’s guilty by reason of mental defect. To quote the great Robert Palmer, he’s “addicted to love.” Sexual additions are real, I guess. I’m no psychologist, but the plea suggests that, if you’re going to be unfaithful once, better to do it all over the place, as openly as possible including lots of text mail, so you can claim to be sick instead of just a jerk.

Tiger Woods, according to media reports, responds to all this by offering Elin money. I’ve read $5 million immediately, then much more over the next few years if she stays with him, and maybe an increase in the 30% limit in their pre-nup. Of all the things I’ve heard about Mr. Woods, this is the one that disturbs me most – if it’s true.

Are the 11 alleged instances of infidelity troublesome? Absolutely. Does every red-blooded male look at Elin Nordegren and wonder what Tiger was thinking? Yeah. (Sorry, ladies, it’s a hormonal thing.) And then there’s the text mail which begs the question, “Is stupidity grounds for divorce?” But to offer his wife money to stay with him, to trivialize marriage and parenthood by making them nothing more than a continuing financial transaction, is unforgiveable – again, if any of it is true.

I understand that Tiger Woods is a business, and why some sponsors will stay with him, and others won’t because of what his predicament means for their bottom lines. I, on the other hand, am not a business. That he would offer Elin money is reprehensible. That she would not be insulted and appalled by that offer is something I just can’t fathom. It’s so not in the character of my wife, my mother, my daughter or any of the good women I know and respect.

Shame on you, Tiger. As for Elin, the jury is still out.

-wf


Site Meter

Advertisements

7 responses to “Waiting for Elin

  1. i have just learnt from my husband that he has been paying escorts for 8 years…. this is after i asked him to leave for lack of respect for me!!!!! Ha. can you believe he was to move back in on the 13th Nov. Back to the family home after being asked to leave. only to beg to come back on the 13th. thru spyware, i found that o the 7th.8/10 he had a prostitute come to his apartment, all the while declaring his undieing love for me…. i am sick with grief… and he says i drove him to it!!!!!!

    • Hi. I don’t know what to say. If you’re kidding, it’s not funny.

      If you’re serious, I hope writing about it, however briefly, has helped a little. Hopefully, you’re working with a professional who can really help you and your husband work through all this.

      Good luck, and thank you for stopping by the Wordfeeder.

      -wf

  2. Thanks for you thoughts on this. My husband did a similar as Woods–about 10-12 women and mostly at conventions etc. Our kids were 2 and 6. As he put it, I filed for divorce so fast it made his head spin.

    If a man shows you the kind of contempt Tiger showed Elin by his behaviors, you’re not doing children any favors by staying with your husband. They will learn this contempt, disrespect and dishonesty on some level, and you can never really trust a man or fully respect a man who can lie so well that you believed him.

    I didn’t have the Woods money and couldn’t afford the divorce, but 19 years later I’m so glad I didn’t stay. My kids are great and I left with my self-respect. As Kirk Douglas’ wife, who stayed with him after his infidelities said–staying with Kirk diminished her. Good to hear Elin’s leaving and all the money can help buffer the experience.

    • Hi. Thanks for your comment.

      I’m a guy, still crazy about the girl I married when we graduated from college, a long time ago. Thank goodness it’s not something I know from personal experience, but I think it makes sense for some relationships to survive a solitary instance of infidelity.

      The problem with Tiger Woods is that his concept of marriage is, to be kind, a whole lot more superficial than the traditional one. Over long periods, spending considerable money and staff resources, he again and again showed a complete lack of concern and respect for his wife, his children and for the institution itself.

      I don’t think he gets it (marriage), or that a few weeks or months in rehab will make any real difference. (This kind of behavior isn’t about any sexual addiction. It’s about power, control and selfishness.) It’s not that he doesn’t deserve a quality marriage. Judging from his behavior, I don’t think he wants one or fully appreciates the commitment that it entails.

      All this having been said, like I have clue what I’m talking about, I sincerely wish them well, especially their children. Personal issue… It bothers me that we’re talking and writing about people we don’t know, whose lives are really none of our business, judging other people from the points of view of our own imperfect lives.

      Stop by again when you have time.

      -wf

  3. I UNDERSTAND THAT ELIN WANT TO GET A DIVORCE. THE HURTS AND PAINS ARE TOO MUCH. THE WOUND CUTS ARE DEEP, THE EMOTION UPSET OVERWHELMING. IN THE SAME BREATH I FEEL THAT TIGER SHOULD HAVE WAITED TO GET MARRIED. HE NEEDED THE TIME TO PARLAY AND DATE AROUND. MEN MUST HAVE THAT. IT IS GOING TO HAPPENTO MEN YOUNG OR MID LIFE . FOR THE BOTH OF THEM, LOVE THEIR KIDS AND DON’T LET THIS DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN THE PARENTAL JOYS THAT THEY BOTH WISH TO CONTINUE. MOVE ON WITH NO REGRETS. HEARTS ARE BROKEN AND THEY BOTH ARE IN A FRAGILE STATE. TIME DOES HEALS BUT BITTERNESS KILLS, IT IS NOT ALWAYS THE OUTCOME WE WISH TO SEE. BUT CLEARLY THEY BOTH COME OUT ON TOP!!!!!

    • Hey. Thanks for your comment.

      I was really hesitant to write anything about their marriage. However spectacular or interesting the reasons for their breaking up, celebrities or not, it’s really none of our business.

      The one additional comment I will make is about the media and its coverage of this mess. It’s about the way they keeping talking about how the divorce “will cost Tiger” whatever, as if their marriage was nothing more than a business arrangement from the very beginning. They get divorced, Tiger takes a big hit, and Elin’s rich. What a pathetically unromantic, asocial view of the dissolution of a marriage.

      If Bob and Jane, a married couple of ordinary means, get divorced, that’s good or bad depending upon their relationship and the impact on any children they may have. Maybe Bob was the primary source of family income, and Jane stayed at home to raise those kids. How they chose to divide their time and make a living for their family was a decision, explicit or not, between the two of them. However much they ended up making while they were married is their income, together. If they get divorced, it should never be about how much it costs the husband, or the wife if she was the primary wage earner.

      It’s not, of course, all about the media. Both Elin and Tiger went into their marriage with a prenup on the table. Whatever your wealth and earning potential, whether you’re Elin and Tiger or Bob and Jane, it shouldn’t make any difference. If you feel to need to start your marriage by protecting one or both of you against the likelihood that it fails, based on the principle that “what’s mine is mine, and what yours is yours,” plus or minus a few million, just maybe you’re not ready to get married. Just maybe you don’t really understand the concept.

      -wf

  4. To the author. You don’t have to apologize saying, “Sorry ladies.” What man would not find Elin gorgeous. What I don’t think men realize is that we married women might look at other men too. I surely don’t want to mess up my marriage by being with another guy though. I also could live just as happily without getting STD.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s