Cargo Pants

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Why doesn’t everyone where cargo pants? Let’s start by listing the pros…

They’re substantially more comfortable than the business “slacks” that so many men wear to their white collar jobs. Yes, that’s right. I said “slacks,” not “pants” to make the point that, whatever your age or lack of it, wearing khakis or their dressier equivalent is old school, and not in a good way. For all intents and purposes, you’re wearing your father pants.

They’re more durable. Pants that last longer cost you less.

They’re easier to manufacture because the pockets are on the outside. And the pockets last longer because they’re made of more durable, exterior grade material.

Most importantly, they hold more. Not just more of the usual stuff, wallets, cell phones, little packages of Kleenex, but other things – like sandwiches and Baby Ruths that wouldn’t fit or would be squished in regular pants pockets.

They not only hold more stuff, it’s easier to get that stuff out without having to squirm or unhook your seatbelt and risk the wrath of an overzealous flight attendant. (“Sir,” she said sternly, “would you puh-lease keep your seatbelt fastened.” There’s no question mark because she wasn’t asking. This is the same flight attendant who, only moments ago, bending over to help the gentlemen seated across the aisle from me, thrust her tush into my face so suddenly and extensively (“Yikes!”) that I instinctively recoiled into the space of the woman sitting in the middle seat to my right – who thought I was, who know what. Trust me, this tush-thrusting was not the pleasant sexually suggestive experience some of you may be thinking. Are you kidding? Lesser reflexes and I could have been seriously hurt.)

They come in a variety of styles with as few or as many pockets as your sensibilities can tolerate. If you like, you can start simple and work your way up gradually, depending upon your coworkers’ reactions.

And now the cons…

It’s hard to escape the notion that you’ve just returned from a safari and haven’t had time to change before coming going to the office.

Cargo pants are unequivocally casual.

That’s it. I mean, that’s it? Yes. Those are the only drawbacks.

Now com’on, admit it. I’ve made a very, very persuasive case. You’d really prefer to wear cargo pants to your next presentation or Board meeting, you just aren’t man enough, not confident enough to make a fashion statement, even one this practical. You fancy yourself to be a trendsetter, but you’re not. How pathetic.

My advice is that you grow a pair and take those cargo pants you keep in your closet to wear on weekends, slip them on, one leg at a time, and fill up all those pockets. Go ahead. I dare you. Now go to the office, and let me know how your day goes, and about the promotion you thought you were going to get. I want good news… so I can get up the nerve to wear mine to work.


2 responses to “Cargo Pants

  1. Bravo.. quite incredible

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s