Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Why would anyone fly US, aka “Useless” Airways if it weren’t absolutely the only way to get from A to B? This is the unexpected sequel to “Wuf?” #7: US Airways.
You know, I said a lot of harsh things about US Airways in a previous “Wuf?” series posting, and now I feel bad. I feel bad because I obviously left some stuff out of my last rant.
Earlier this morning, I flew from A to B on US Airways. Two out of three of the trays in my row were broken. (Let’s hope they take better care of the engines.) The lady sitting by the window used hers even though her stuff kept sliding from right to left in front of her. I couldn’t use mine because the left bracket was so broken it let that side of the tray hit my knee, so I just left it up.
And so I wondered, “Was there a ‘working tray fee’ I forgot to pay?” I reported the tray to one of the Flight Attendants on the way out the door – reflecting as I did on how close “Flight Attendant” sounds like “Lavatory Attendant.” I thought reporting the tray was the right thing to do, and that maybe I’ll get a credit, a tiny credit because I had to hold my cup of Coke in my lap for an hour. Come to think of it, US Airways management probably knew my tray was broken which is why they didn’t offer me anything to eat, or even a napkin to prevent my cup of Coke from sweating a ring on my khakis. How thoughtful.
Anyway, this tray experience got me thinking about what other new fees US Airways might concoct. Maybe a “seatbelt/no seatbelt fee”? (Overweight people who need “an extension” would pay double.) Maybe a “polite/not polite fee” or “smile/no smile fee”? (Have you noticed that some of the Flight Attendants on US Airways don’t look any happier to be on the plane than their passengers – and the Flight Attendants are getting paid. And then the ultimate “crash/no crash fee” which, I’m guessing, should be a huge moneymaker.
US Airways: “Because at 37,000 feet, no one, no matter how bad we treat them, is going to get up and leave.”Follow @TheWordFeeder