Dear Newt: Donald Trump? Really? 3:17 PM ET: Apparently not.

Thursday, 3:19 PM ET. Well, NBC is now reporting that Donald Trump is going to endorse Mitt Romney in a few minutes. So much for earlier reports that he was going to endorse Newt Gingrich, which is when I wrote the piece below. What difference does it make? Zero. Nobody but the media cares a wit about who Mr. Trump endorses.

Thursday morning, February 2, 2012

Hey, Newt. Sorry about Florida. ..Buck up. You’ll always have South Carolina, but we need to talk. You need to be more careful whose endorsements you accept.

First, Herman Cain, a self-promoting egotist if there ever was one, comes to your rescue, one serial philanderer endorsing another. And yet, somehow, people continue to vote for you. Not enough people, but some people nonetheless. And now, here comes the poster boy for shameless self-promoting, “The Donald.”

OMG, Newt. For one thing, he’s a billionaire. You’re being endorsed by a real estate tycoon that makes Mitt look middle class by comparison. Here’s a flash, Newt. No one, except maybe the media which has so much air time on its hands, they’ve taken up wasting time talking about Mitt Romney sentence fragments.. As I was saying before I interrupted myself, no real person, no real voter gives hoot about Donald Trump.

Who’s next, Newt? Pee Wee Herman? My apologies to Mr. Herman for using him to make my point. ..I just realized that if Herman Cain were to marry Pee Wee Herman, he’d be “Herman Herman.” But I digress.

According to CBS News’ Political Hotsheet for December 5, 2011, in a piece entitled “Gingrich kisses Donald Trump’s ring” – Now there’s a headline you could legitimately complain about. – you had the following praise for Mr. Trump who was then planning the debate that never happened. I quote,

Donald Trump is a great showman. He’s also a great businessman. If we’re trying to figure out how to create jobs, I think one of the differences between my party and the other party, is we actually go to people who know how to create jobs to figure out how to create jobs.

First of all, congratulations for including the phrase “create jobs” three times in a single sentence. We get the point.

Second, I’m pretty sure your quote makes Mitt’s case for why he should be the nominee and then President.

Newt, while a good leader, a good manager always gets as much advice as he can from smart people who have demonstrated success in accomplished a particular objective, this quote is a real problem for you. You see, Newt, Mitt is already one of those people, like Trump, only more so when it comes to jobs creation and experience running a government – and Mitt’s actually running for President. Technically, Mitt could go to himself for help.

By your standards, Newt, you should be asking Mitt for his advice and endorsement.


2 responses to “Dear Newt: Donald Trump? Really? 3:17 PM ET: Apparently not.

  1. Would you consider a job as President Romney’s head speech writer?

  2. Hey, Mimzy. You know, it’s odd that you would ask that. You haven’t hacked into my cell phone, have you? ..Mimzy? Be honest with me.


    Okay, I believe you. The reason I ask is that, just the other day, the Gingrich campaign called and offered me the same job, head speech writer for the Romney campaign. And I would have accepted except that most of the work would have involved writing on a campaign bus and I tend to get carsick if I’m not driving. Texting while I drive, I’m fine. I just can’t do it from any of the other seats in the car. I even get queasy if I try to read while I’m on my treadmill.

    As you’ve no doubt guessed by now, all struggling writers are, at the risk of being vulgar, whores. Heck, I would have written speeches for the Herman Cain campaign if he’d paid me enough. ..Nah. Now that I think about, probably not. Sexist slobs and serial killers, if any of them are considering running for office, are where I draw the line.

    I actually have written for campaigns before, three of them, local stuff, all of them losers. It wasn’t my fault, that they lost I mean, but I don’t think the Gingrich campaign knew that. My problem was that I kept putting substantive material into the speeches I wrote and no one, not the media or the voters, understood what I was talking about.

    Anyway, thanks for asking.


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