Category Archives: Life

Happy Valentine’s Day.

After all these years, I still don’t like being away from you,
whether it’s a three-hour flight halfway across the country,
or when you run up to the store just a few blocks away.

(Grocery shopping with you is one of my favorite things to do.)

I’m a man of words who doesn’t know what to say.
After all these years, you still leave me     …speechless.



“Back to you in the studio, Bob.”

Sunday, January 27, 2013

That reporter, the one in the title that’s throwing you back to the studio? It’s Bob. The same Bob that’s throwing you back to the studio. Confusing, I know. I’ll explain in a moment. But first…

Downtown Harrisonburg

For those of you who don’t know me, which is pretty much all of you, this piece may seem like I’m mocking small town life or, heaven forbid you should draw this conclusion, that I’m making fun of Bob. Far from it. Quite to the contrary, this, no kidding, is about journalism at its very best. It’s about the spirit of a free press, about a dedication to keeping the public informed that no amount of big corporate network money can buy. It’s about a young person, a man in this case, working hard and paying his dues. You either have it or you don’t. Bob does, and that’s that.
Keep reading…

Gun Control. The illusion of leadership.

I wasn’t going to write anything about guns. It’s not that I don’t think we need vastly more restrictive gun control legislation, it’s just that I’m still depressed about November’s election. Nothing new. I just can’t get over the fact that, with very few exceptions, we re-elected the same Congress and President that failed to resolve any of the major economic, financial or social crises we’ve been facing. The President is now focusing on his legacy, like any of us really care, and waiting for the economy to recover on its own so he can take credit for it. Bummer.


Okay, about guns. In the wake of Newtown, the President threw his best agent at the problem, Joe Biden. Mr. Biden talked to all sorts of people over a very short period of time. He did that to give us the impression that our input counts. It’s a trick. If Vice President Biden and the President were serious about gun control, they would have been working on the problem non-stop for the past four years. Now, the best they’ve been able to come up with are some recommendations about background checks, assault weapons and limiting high-capacity clips to 10 “rounds.” They call them rounds, because it sounds like we’re ordering more beer at our favorite roadhouse, but we know that what they’re really talking about is bullets. Rounds don’t kill people, bullets do.
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Katherine Webb: The Cheerleader, the Quarterback and ESPN

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Katherine Webb should have been insulted, but she wasn’t. And that’s okay. Far be it from me to tell other people what their sensitivities should be, but… The thing is, I’m a guy and I have something to say on behalf of the other gender.

Katherine Webb Red Dress

Ms. Webb, the reigning Miss Alabama USA, the no-talent version of the Miss America pageant, is beautiful by virtually any standards. Personally, I prefer a slightly less perfect face and body, but that’s me. Notwithstanding my personal opinions of what is and what isn’t attractive, and as they used to say when I was growing up, “No one’s kicking her out of bed.” And that’s not a sexist remark. Back in the day, that was a heck of a compliment, but then times change, don’t they, which is the point of this piece.
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“Go Further With Ford.” Is Ford grammatically correct? Part 2, The Response.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Hi. Some months ago, I wrote a piece that challenged the use of “further” in Ford’s campaign. Last Friday, having never received the 2013 Ford Fiesta I requested for having pointed out the error of their ways, I emailed Ford corporate’s advertising department to make sure they’ve read my article. They’re busy, and I guess it’s possible that they missed it.

I would look great in this car.

I would look great in this car.

I stopped short of explaining the importance setting a good example by using correct grammar in their commercials, not wanting to sound as if I were lecturing them.

Just two days later, which is impressive, I received the following email response. Read it over, and let me know what you think and how I should respond. Please be kind. I’m still holding out hope that they’ll send me the car.


Thank you for contacting Ford Motor Company. We appreciate the time you have taken to write us regarding our Go Further campaign.

Go Further is Ford’s Global Brand Promise that was announced April 30, 2012 and ads began airing in the U.S. on national television that evening. While Go Further will be used in Ford’s marketing and advertising, it is not a tagline but, put simply, a description of Ford’s culture. It’s who we are and who we have always been. It’s also what makes Ford different from any other automaker because it promises that we are always going to go further to deliver great products, a strong business and a better world for each other and for our customers. Our One Ford business model and the four product pillars (Quality, Green, Safe, Smart) remain unchanged and support the Go Further brand promise.

Ford has a history of people working together to develop ingenious, attainable products and services that make people’s lives better. The goal of people serving people is what makes us unique.

Go Further means going where no one expects a car company to go by delivering the best in Quality, Green, Safe and Smart products.

Go Further means partnering with our dealers, collaborating with our suppliers, serving our communities and empowering every employee to make a real difference in our company.

Go Further means continuously improving quality, customer satisfaction and favorable opinion to increase value for all our stakeholders.

Go Further is who we are. Go Further is what we do.

Going along with our Go Further campaign, many of our new 2013 models now feature our class-exclusive SYNC and MyTouch technologies which give you the convenience of hands-free communications to ensure the safest driving experience possible. Several new models also feature our new EcoBoost engine technologies providing all the power our drivers crave without sacrificing on fuel economy.

If you are in the market for a new Ford or Lincoln vehicle, please contact our Marketing Program Headquarters at 1-800-334-4375. We are here Monday – Friday, 9 A.M. – 6 P.M. EST to assist you. When you call, we can send you a new vehicle brochure as well as set up a demonstration drive at a time and dealership of your choice to experience the vehicles first hand.

Thank you for contacting Ford Motor Company.

Ford Motor Company
Ford Marketing Program Headquarters

Me again. Someone just asked me if I wrote the response. No. I didn’t make this up. What you just read is exactly the text of the email Ford sent me. If I had, written it that is, I wouldn’t have been clever enough to pick “Raul” as the person who wrote it. -wf

Kate’s breasts.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

For the record, this piece isn’t meant to be the least bit funny or clever.

I haven’t seen the pictures of Kate Middleton sunbathing. Probably never will. I’ve always assumed she had breasts, although, to be honest, even though I like breasts on women as much as the next guy, I’ve never thought about her in quite that way. In any case, they’re her breasts. Ms. Middleton and her husband seem like good people. Their high-profile lives notwithstanding, I think they have a right to their privacy – as do all the starlets and other notables the paparazzi have chased, embarrassed and otherwise annoyed to those celebrities’ detriment.
Keep reading…

I live in a fantasy world, and it’s all my wife’s fault.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

In my world, there are no power outages leaving us in sweltering heat, no grouting in the shower that needs to be replaced, no weeds to pull, no raccoons pooping on our deck, no anxiety from the daily mess of life, the stress from which would make a Navy Seal feel like “Flat Stanley.”

In my world, I’m married to a beautiful blonde who still looks exactly like the college picture of her I carry in my wallet. In my world, whenever she walks into the room, no matter what’s happening that day, all I see is the two of us sharing a palm tree at the edge of a turquoise ocean.

I live in a fantasy work and it’s all her fault – and only one of countless reasons that I always have and always will love her.

“Hey, good morning. ..Where are you?” I hear her coming down the stairs.

Jeez, she’s up early. I’ve got to hurry up and post this.

“Happy anniversary, honey!” she tells me, cruising into the kitchen where I’m typing frantically at the table.

“Hey. You too!” And then I realize, pressing the WordPress “Publish” button in the nick of time, looking up to see her smiling at me… It’s all true. I really am married to a beautiful blonde.